The “Inner Work” Is Great. But the “Inner Work” is Not a Dating Plan.
Why you can’t “inner work” your way to dating success on the apps.
Hear me out.
I’m a big proponent of doing the inner work in dating.
It’s a critical piece of the puzzle.
AND . . .
You can’t just “inner work” your way to dating success on the apps. You just can’t.
The same way that we can’t just “inner work” our way into running a successful business or losing weight.
Mindset is an important piece of the puzzle to our success, AND . . .
There are concrete behaviours, actions, and skills that we need to have in place in order to get the results we want in dating.
Time and time again, I see clients come to me frustrated because they’ve DONE so much “inner work,” and dating apps still aren’t working for them.
This is where dating strategy comes in.
Having a plan in place that we can trust, that’s been validated and shown to produce results, is how we’re able to RELAX in dating.
The process gives you a plan to follow. So that you CAN trust it. So that you can just kick back and let your plan work for you.
If you have a part of you that resists structure, and you just want to go with the flow and “trust the process” — strategy is actually how you do that.
A social media misconception about “trusting the process” is that we’re supposed to lean back, do the inner work, and wait for our dating results to magically appear out of thin air.
NOPE, NOPE, NOPE.
“Trusting the process” works. But “trusting the process” won’t work if we don’t have a process TO trust.
Having a dating strategy is like having a workout plan based around exercise science. You can TRUST that if you go to the gym every day and follow the training plan your fitness coach gave you, you can expect to build muscle and to lose weight. You know that, if you put in X effort, you will get Y outcome — it’s science.
But we would never tell a gym newbie to skip the gym and go straight to working on their “inner game” and then expect them to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger, right?
That would be nuts.
So — dating coaches — let’s stop telling people that they can “inner work” and “trust the process” into results in dating without HAVING a process TO trust.
The “inner work” is great. But the “inner work” is not a dating plan.
If you're ready to feel confident every time you swipe, and for dating to feel easy and stress-free . . .
Together, we can take the chaos and drama out of dating and replace them with an intentional and grounded process.
One that leaves you feeling calm, clear, and confident (and actually EXCITED about your dates!) instead of burnt out.
Get in touch to learn about how dating strategy can get you results in your love life.