How to bypass dating burnout and meet the love of your life while you get massages and eat macarons.
There’s an endless stream of low-quality options in your Facebook Dating queue.
Of the ones who’ve made it into your inbox, some haven’t even said anything. Others have said “hi.” (“Hi”? REALLY?)
And still, you’re feeling carefree, relaxed, and in-control. Dare I say . . . optimistic? Even . . . hopeful?
Because YOU have a plan in place to bypass the mess and to meet a partner who accepts and appreciates you for YOU, no responses to “Hi”’s required, ever again. (I promise.)
What if I told you that dating DIDN’T need to be the worst thing since they decided that Pluto was no longer a planet?
Attracting your dream partner doesn’t NEED to suck.
Let’s make dating fun, easy, and as carefree as you gazing into the bubbles of your second glass of pink champagne.
“How can this be,” you ask? Right this way . . .
Reason 1: You already have a dating strategy.
At its most basic, a strategy is simply a collection of actions taken with a goal in mind.
Everyone has a dating strategy, even if they don’t realise it. Every time you take action (or don’t!) towards a dating goal — you have a dating strategy.
Deciding not to date is a strategy. Swiping around on dating apps when you’re tired or bored or lonely is a strategy. Believing that love will happen when you least expect it is a strategy.
Is your current dating strategy working for you?
Reason 2: Structure actually allows you to have MORE fun when you date.
If what you WANT is easy, breezy, Covergirl dating, then what you NEED is a dating PLAN.
While the idea of having structure may initially make you feel like you’re stuck in the last row of seats on a 12-hour flight (they don’t even recline!), strategy is, paradoxically, what allows you to relax when you’re dating.
You can actually lean into fun, ease, and flow MORE when you have a structured dating plan in place.
When you have a solid dating strategy in place — one that tells you where to go and what to do to meet people who are compatible with you and who you actually LIKE — you can sleep peacefully knowing that you’ve done everything in your power to create love in your life, and swipe confidently knowing that you have a system that will do the heavy lifting of dating for you.
Likewise, when you have a dating PLAN that’s grounded in the science of what does and doesn’t work in dating, you can simply trust the science and let go.
You don’t have to worry, and, once your plan is in place, you don’t need to think any more about it.
You can kick back, relax, and let your plan work for you.
You don’t need to be “lucky” for your strategy to work. You don’t need to feel motivated about dating for your strategy to work. You don’t even need to BELIEVE in your strategy that day for your strategy to work.
As long as you wake up every day and follow your plan, your strategy WILL work.
And you can rest assured that you ARE creating love in your life, even if you don’t see it yet.
Reason 3: Dating without a strategy is like driving without a GPS: you’ll get lost and run out of gas.
Dating without a strategy is like “When You Give a Mouse a Cookie.”
It goes a little something like this:
When you don’t have a dating strategy, your dating success will feel random.
When dating feels random, you will feel stressed and like you don’t have control over your love life.
When you don’t have control over your love life, you will have good dates and you will have bad dates, and you won’t know how to repeat the good ones and to avoid the bad ones, because you won’t know how to reconstruct the set of conditions that led to each in the first place.
When you don’t know how to repeat your good dates and avoid your bad dates, your relationships will feel random: you’ll get into relationships (or not!) and you won’t really know what made the difference between the ones that worked and the ones that didn’t.
When your relationships feel random, you’ll be more inclined to give people you don’t really like “a chance,” because you’ll be thinking, “I haven’t found anyone else I like so far — so maybe I’M the problem. Or maybe there really isn’t anything else good out there.” (You aren’t and there is.)
All together, these factors will make you more hesitant to leave bad relationships that you don’t really want to be in — because you’ll be thinking, “Well, I don’t know — can I find another relationship if I leave?” (You totally can!)
The truth is: Repeatable results in love, as in anything else, come from having a repeatable process.
In order to date effectively, we need to know HOW to meet the people we want to date, and WHAT to do to separate the relationship-ready prospects from the ones who are going to waste our time. We need to know WHY certain relationships work, and why others fail. And then, once we’ve (finally!) found someone we like, we need to know just WHAT we need to do to take our budding romance from cute-stranger-we-met-at-pickleball to partner-in-crime.
Not only do we need to know all of this, but we need to know how to re-create these conditions again and AGAIN until we find our forever-person. (Because even if we LIKE Henry from Hinge, he might have a secret fingernail-clipping collection that we find out after Date 3.)
For that reason, in order to create consistent outcomes again and again, the dating strategy we design needs to be repeatable.
If we choose a strategy without first thinking about why we're choosing this strategy over others, or about whether or not we can replicate the strategy we’ve chosen, we'll find that, while we may hit the nail on the head and manage to meet someone we really like once, we won't be able to repeat our success again because won't know how or why our actions were successful in the first place.
For that reason — having a dating plan empowers you to have control over your love life.
Reason 4: A dating strategy serves as built-in dating “guardrails” that keep you safe and on track to dating success.
Tell me if this scenario sounds familiar:
Your last breakup hurt more than stepping on a Lego in the dark, and opening up again feels too vulnerable.
So you don’t. Instead, you barricade yourself behind a moat of inspiring quotes about staying single forever and complain about men and dating apps over mimosas with your girlfriends.
I get it.
When we’ve been hurt in the past, it’s tempting to avoid dating altogether while we nurse our wounds.
But what if I told you that having the right dating plan could actually protect you from the players, the users, and the eternally-"not ready"-for-a-relationship-ers?
Often, when we’ve been hurt by love, a big part of what’s been missing from our dating lives are strong, solid boundaries that keep the bad guys OUT and show the good ones where the door is.
Having a dating strategy can provide us with the boundaries we need to stay safe.
The right dating strategy for you will:
Effortlessly filter the wrong people for you OUT, and the right people IN.
Stop you from wasting time and energy that you don’t have to begin with.
Protect you with built-in guardrails designed to keep you safe from the people who don’t have your best interest at heart.
Reason 5: A strategy prevents dating burnout.
You’ve declared war on Bumble.
You’re unofficially on a dating hiatus that initially started out as a two-week break. The thing is — before you knew it, your two-week break turned into a month. And then two months. And then six . . .
Now, you’re thinking about dipping your toe back into the dating pool, but honestly, it just feels like a LOT.
I feel you.
AND — don't hate me, but here’s the thing: We get better results in dating if we’re consistent.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is a strong, healthy, lasting partnership.
Research shows that small amounts of effort, sustained and repeated over time, eventually yield better results than large amounts of effort that are inconsistent or aren't carried to completion.
We’ll go on a LOT more dates if we commit to going on 1 new date every week for a year (52 dates), than if we “marathon date” every night for 3 weeks and then need to take a eons-long hiatus because we’re exhausted ( > 21 dates).
For that reason, frequent dating “breaks” make it MORE likely that we will need to date harder for longer.
BUT: You know you need to rest. I know you need to rest.
So what’s a girl to do?
The solution is to have a dating plan that doesn’t tire you out in the first place.
Something that’s built around taking bite-sized, regular action steps so you can both make headway AND avoid burnout.
Something that shows you how to use the apps so that you effortlessly funnel the wrong people for you OUT, and the right people IN.
Something that replaces endless swiping with activities that you actually LIKE doing and would be doing anyway.
Having a dating strategy that accommodates rest keeps you consistent and making progress WHILE building in regular rest periods that keep you refreshed, calm, and grounded.
This is how to ACTUALLY date with the confidence, ease, and self-esteem of someone who knows what they want, sticks to their boundaries, and honours their own need for rest WHILE confidently pursuing what they want — a happy, healthy, lasting relationship.
Reason 6: A dating strategy allows you to work SMARTER, not HARDER.
A lot of my clients think that they need to be willing to move to Croatia and to sacrifice their firstborn in order to get the apps to work for them.
That they need to swipe harder, longer, and to go on more and more and MORE dates to see the results they want.
NOPE, NOPE, NOPE.
On top of that, dating itself takes time and energy — swiping, texting, phone calls, getting ready, childcare, commuting — that we don’t always have.
NO. MORE. EFFORT.
You don’t need to put MORE effort into dating. You need to put in the RIGHT effort.
The wrong effort in dating tires you out. The wrong effort makes you feel helpless and stuck. The wrong effort feels like endlessly circling a hamster wheel.
And when you’re exhausted from running around in circles and not seeing results, you’re too burnt out to do what would ACTUALLY lead to the dating results you want.
Smart dating means that we put in the RIGHT effort, not MORE effort.
Attracting the partner of your dreams doesn’t NEED to suck. Dating CAN actually be fun, easy, and carefree.
What you need is a system to sift through the bad matches and to find the hidden gems. One backed by the current research on what ACTUALLY gets results in dating and in relationships.
A good dating strategy is SIMPLE, SCIENTIFIC, REPEATABLE, and SAFE.
It simplifies to keep you on track to dating success while you avoid the endless disappointments that burn you out.
It uses the latest relationship science to create a plan based around what works (and what doesn’t!) in dating.
It’s repeatable to give you control over your love life.
It creates boundaries to keep you safe.
In order to create a plan that works, and works for anybody in any situation, the dating strategy we choose needs to be based in science.
In order to create consistent outcomes again and again, the dating strategy we design needs to be repeatable.
In order to keep you safe from the players, the users and the duds, the dating strategy we create needs to include boundaries.
In order to keep you on track to success, the dating strategy we choose needs to be based around small actions, taken repeatedly.
Let me help you to make your very own, personalised dating system. One that’s individually tailored to YOU and optimised to find and secure your dream relationship.
My Dating Strategy Sessions are my signature one-time, 90-minute “accelerator” sessions where we’ll come up with a science-backed just-for-you plan so that you can effortlessly filter the wrong people for you OUT, and the right people for you IN.
If you’re over waiting for love to happen when you least expect it and are ready to call in love that lasts — allow me to assist.
I’ll do the hard work of engineering an effective dating plan for you, so that you can sit back, relax, and go with the flow.
Click here to find out more and get in touch.